I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
