we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
