When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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