I accidentally burped into my bong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
