I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You ruined the universe
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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