i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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