Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
