couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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