It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize