Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
