Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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