I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
