i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
