6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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