After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
