I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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