Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
