i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
