It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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