My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
smell my finger.
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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