Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
