I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
