And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
