Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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