he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
