everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How external is "for external use only"?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
