Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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