are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
