Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
