I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
