It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
