I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
