Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
