If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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