he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
