I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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