There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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