Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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