Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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