I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
