you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
