Little spoons don't ask big questions
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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