I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sext me about skeletons
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
