three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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