she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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