Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
not ubering you a puppy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
