Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
