How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
