i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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