You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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