I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
