I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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