and you said cock pushups were impossible
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
