2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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