Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
