Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
