her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
