I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
