I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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