I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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