well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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