took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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