I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
