Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
