you guys were way drunker than both of me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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